With so much destruction, demolition, and disappointments around, it is hard to be alone and happy. If this is not your case, probably it won’t make sense to read further. I am genuinely happy for you. But, if happiness is something that’s eluding you, deceiving you, and betraying you for a while, you should talk. You should speak to happiness and ask what is that in you that they are most attracted to? What does happiness find in people with whom they stick around?
You may be thinking that I am talking about happiness from a very settled position. Let me tell you, although our pains are our directories of tolerance; there can’t be four pair of legs in one pair of shoes. This is to mean that I am not in your shoes, but I wear the size worn by a vast continent of people. I am writing this to hold your hands and express my solidarity in your hustle with happiness. I believe that we can be alone but happy, and there’s a way that worked for me.
In November 2019, I lost my job. It has been very hard so far. But believe me, whether you give credit to my medication for mental health or to my indomitable spirit to thrive as a writer and travel the world whether through Google maps or in-person, in my financially destitute hours, I am content. You know why? Because a job can leave me, can stamp on my career how unemployable I am, but my writing, my poetry, that’ll never leave me.
I am also happy that these days, I stay with my parents and four-month-old furry happiness named Goji Berry. I am happy that I wake up every morning, get 24 hours to pursue things I love, breathe without borrowing, and yet deal with the uncertainty of income to offset EMIs worth 36 thousand. Do you realize my vulnerability? I am 33 and have no medical insurance, which implies that if I fall sick, I will fall off from my life forever. Yet, I am happy. I am happy because my mental faculty is on the job, I can think through situations although I am very drowsy these days.
The Internet is a blessing as well as an accident-prone highway, but I trust my vulnerability. It can discern the good and bad and mean a NO in two letters. Period. Looking at my situation, a friend’s sister proposed me a business that would financially secure me for generations only in four years. I don’t doubt her intent, nor have I discouraged her from involving in what works for her. But it was made clear to her that I am not going to sign up for any security that interrupts my peace of mind. I could have agreed to the idea of making passive money, but neither love nor money can ever be passive. When she left my space, she learnt that I could be alone but happy because when I am alone, I get to do what makes me happy.
I asked happiness, what is in me that has ever made them feel happy? I wondered if happiness is ashamed of me, of my outspoken, unafraid, and determined character? I asked happiness if I ever made them feel unwelcome in my body. Happiness smiled back and said, when you are yourself, you are me. If you pursue what you enjoy, you embody me. No one enjoys the grill of making money unless they love the work that brings them the money. Happiness has assured that it is at peace with me; that it’ll be with me as long as I am grateful for everything I have.
Do you ask from where do I procure so much happiness? Well, it wasn’t so until I was in my job. My friends placed abroad would tell me that they have already planned their retirement. I would consider them fools to think of a life with a 9-5 mission. Now when Vivek shares his plan to quit his well-paying job to travel to work with the grassroots, live a humble life, and figure new channels of learning more about life, I am excited for him. He is alone but happy because his rationale isn’t over.
So, I may be living with my family and Spock aka Goji Berry, but in my body, I am alone like anyone else. We all are alone in our bodies. Company is just a distraction to keep us oblivious to our mortal limitations. I bet that even if you are given local anaesthesia in the area of surgery, you’ll be dead scared to see your organs pulled off your body for repair. That’s the level of fear we are housed in but in an amicable arrangement facilitated by our environment and surrounding.
I do practice what I preach and like I have asked in a previous blog not to waste time thinking of what is happiness, I engage in activities that give me inner joy. So, if you are still around listening to me, I want to gift you something. I want to gift you a resource that may introduce some dopamine and melatonin in your nervous system. They helped me; they may work for you as well if you wish to give it a try. No, I am not recommending you any yoga or tantric postures. I am just suggesting a few books if you enjoy reading. I will not feed you the books, because at the end, to be alone but happy, is your choice.
On this note, I would sign out for tonight by expressing my gratitude to kind people who signed up for my blog updates. I would so much like to name you but privacy is my favorite policy. 💕